Dear Cocks, and fans of Cocks thriving across the vast and sticky interwebs:

I would like to take this opportunity to educate you all about a very important day in American history; a day that is held in the highest of regards to basketball players, fans, and enthusiasts all across our (un?)glorious nation.  

23 years ago today, a child was born; Actually, I’ll have to check the facts on that, I’m pretty sure there were at least a few born on this particular day, January 5, 1987, so don’t quote me, but this one child was so much more important that it was like the others were never born at all.  Nonetheless, to avoid confusion, I will restart…

23 years ago today, many children were born, but one of those children would become the most influential human being to ever walk the Earth, and this is his story: 

Just 3 years after his birth, this young boy was riding his tricycle down the rough streets of Harlem (not because he lived there, but because sometimes he would sneak out of his home for late night trike adventures after his parents fell sleep.  His Journeys were always filled of hyperbole and glory). 

He was very stricken by the Harlem environment, and began to travel back more frequently.  Very soon, he had learned and took fancy to a game being played throughout the parks, streets, and even driveways across the city.  The kids called it basketball.

This boy had an unusual gift for the game, and quickly built a solid reputation on most inner-city streets.  He got his first triple double when he was 4, first 100 point game when he was 5, and totally changed the game forever by becoming the first player to ever make a quadruple triple: 552 points, 300 steals, 115 blocks, and 207 rebounds in one game, at the age of just 7.

The sky was the limit from there.

Now, I know what you are thinking: “Well, where the hell is this kid now? Was it Lebron? Was it Kobe?”

Well friends, the answer to both of these is no. 

Truth is, it is/was I.  Every body’s favorite Cock, The Intimid8tr.

Now that you know my background, you are probably wondering why I am wasting my time playing in the Aurora Rec League.  The answer is simple: I am humble, I don’t fit in with other popular players.  I leave my ice at home, they wear it on the court.  You know what I’m saying?

But sometimes… I wish i could return to my glory days;  the days when I would have fun at the expense of embarrassing my peers on a basketball court.

So this year, for my 23rd birfday, I only want one thing: THE ROCK!

Its my turn, baby! I’m gonna show ya’ll why January 5th, should be a national holiday! I’m talking a “nobody goes to work” type of holiday, unless you work at Qdoba, that shit should never close. Ever.

I call it Obligation to Intimid8ion Across the Nation… Day.  Let the celebrating commence!

And if I get what I want, THE ROCK!, I guarantee I will be the first player to ever get a cinco quadruple! Mark my words, thats a promise.  You aren’t gonna wanna miss this game! Peace!

-The Intimid8r #9